Author Topic: Lack of updates (a much deeper post then just an excuse).  (Read 2396 times)


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Lack of updates (a much deeper post then just an excuse).
« on: February 18, 2015, 06:09:07 pm »
I'd love to say my reasons have been a lack of time, but I think these days the truth is deeper then that.

I don't post a lot of updates mainly because well, I suppose I'm pretty content in my life.  I'm not saying that people who regularly blog aren't content individuals or anything.  But I'm in a place where things are pretty good and this website has lost it's original purpose for me.  Years and years ago after the quake 3 clan this site was made for disbanded, It became an outlet for my angst.  I guess it's been a while since I've had anything to be truly ornery about.  So how about positive things?  I could share stories of my IT conquests, or post episodes in my personal life (and I've considered it over and over again), but in the end when it finally comes down to it, I put my hands on the home row of my keyboard and end up asking myself..  "Why am I doing this?  My life is awesome.  Will this make it more awesome?"  At that point, I move my mouse cursor over to the cancel button, click, and get back to living.

I don't seem to have anything meaningful to post about that gives me any satisfaction in life.  My satisfaction comes from participating in my own life - not having those moments validated by others.  In writing, I find I lack the patience to build the wall of context needed so readers can share an experience the way I intend it to be shared.  So how about posting pictures?  They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but I'm also way too pre-occupied with living my life to consider snapping a pic with the intent of sharing it later.  Maybe I'm greedy that way, but life without a phone obstructing my view seems to have a much higher fidelity.  I used to be a loner in life and most people who knew/know me may still think I am and that's fine.  My wife and kids would disagree though.  My daughters have the blind love and adoration of me any kids would have for an attentive father and my wife has a loving care and possessive/protective grip on me that any smart woman would aspire for.

I've come to accept the fact that in life, if I want to play hard, I have to earn it by working hard.  I do that and it pays off.  What more do I need?  I suppose a writing like that announcement makes me seem a bit unreachable since we apparently we live in a day and age where you're expected to carve your life events into digestible chunks and syndicate them for people to then subscribe to and quickly feign interest in and post vain self-serving fake compliments for.  I hate that way of living.  The way I choose to live today, communication is a bit more sparse but so much more meaningful.  If people want to reach out to me, it has to be on my terms because I won't pander for approval.  I'll never turn somebody who's not a douche away from my site, but I have no incentive whatsoever to make some grand effort to attract people here either.  If you want to partake, make the effort and sign up.

So at this point, if you're still reading then I applaud you.  I walked away from editing this for about an hour, pondered a bit, then came back to write this paragraph.  I had a bit of a breakthrough in that time and rather then re-write everything, I'm leaving the previous paragraphs untouched so the impact can be understood.  I've come to the realization on what I truly enjoy writing about.  Gaming..  Not IT pro stuff which is what I was trying to do.  To me, my real life is exciting and I'm met with new challenges and epic circumstances which I always rise to the task and overcome.  It's a great rush for me and I feel very fulfilled but how to translate that to a written format and be entertaining?  I can't see any way I can tell the story of how I replaced a failing business phone system in under two weeks without any service interruption and make it seem as epic to everybody else as it was to me.  The hard truth is that it wasn't epic and does nothing for me or my non existent readers.  Is it even something that a million other IT pros haven't already done?  Probably not.  It's total mundane shit.  I love it, but it's my career and I need to stop trying to convince myself that some day I'll find a way to make it some grand adventure to everybody else.  I'd offer to write about my family stuff because it's pretty funny a lot of the time, but I've decided it's best my family matters stay private.  That way my wife won't have to become my content editor/director (har har).

So why did I try to upscale this in the first place?  Simple:  As I got more seasoned in my IT career, I must have felt the need to legitimize this website by making it something more tech oriented and always wondered why I never had any drive in keeping it updated.  Apparently tech writing is just too fucking boring for me so I'm done trying.  The people that have come to trust and depend on me professionally are often the type of people who would equate a love of games to meth addiction.  With that in mind, I've incorrectly reached the conclusion that I need to write my content as if they are reading it.  But Im not writing for them and now I've decided that other people's flawed perceptions should not be my problem anymore.  I'm a proven force in the industry and among my peers and as long as I maintain professional separation between work and play, people who hold my legitimate hobbies against me are the ones at fault, not me.

I'm going to be getting back into making this about my love of playing video games.  Multiplayer gaming is the only social medium you'll find me get satisfaction out of.

Whew.. that felt good.